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Location: British Columbia, Canada

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Thursday, July 21, 2005

Nice Guys

There's been a lot of talk floating around lately about nice guys, and of course I just have to throw in my own two cents.
First of all, I believe the breakdown in the catagorizing of nice guys is multi-layered. At the highest level, is the nice person. Nice guys do not necissarily fall within the nice person category, and nice people are (obviously) equally as likely to be either women or men.
I do not like nice people. I have no problem with people who are capable of being nice, or who are likely to be nice on general principle, but I do not like people for whom nice defines their personality and character. The problem with nice people, is that to be truly nice, they must never err. To be truly nice, all one has to do is say nothing other than the occational please, thank you, and random innane comment on the weather. In this context, nice defines someone who either has no personality, no opinions, and little emotional involvement in the world around them, or someone who is so insidious or spineless that they will never reveal their true character to others.
Now, to go deeper. Nice guys are not necissarily nice people. This is a completly different profile, and despite the similar name, have little to do with each other. There are numerous postings lately (once again, you'll have to find them on your own, as I'm a newbie and don't know that others would appreciate me linking you to their pages) on the definitions of nice guys, and the different types of nice guys that are out there. I think what has been neglected is the most distructive form of nice guy, the broken hearted nice guy. This version of the nice guy is often incorperated into other nice guy profiles, but skimmed over, while I beleive this is the root cause of what makes nice guys more than whiney, self serving, and annoying, but down right dangerous. Broken hearted nice guys never know what hit them. They had a 'great relationship' until the point that they were dumped, the woman they thought they loved, who turned out to be an evil, self centered bitch, and a slut to boot. You know the woman is evil, because she broke up with a man who is a nice guy, and since he's perfect, she must be flawed. You can guarantee she's a slut because she is dating someone else before the nice guy gets over her. Of course, since the nice guy is incapable of moving on, she may have started dating half a year after the break up, but still, he's not over her, therefore she should not be dating.
To add to the sluttiness of the ex-girl friend is the fact that she slept with him, despite the fact that she obviously (as proven by the fact that she broke up with him) did not love him. The broken hearted nice guy never sleeps with girls he doesn't love. Never mind the fact that he's pretty convinced he's in love after the first date, this nice guy doesn't understand the concept of the new-relationship high, and will always assume it is permanent, long term, grammy-changes-gramp's-diaper-and-doesn't-even-flinch type love.
The worst thing about broken hearted nice guys is the rights instilled on them via having ownership of that broken heart. Phoning twenty times a day just to breath heavily isn't weird, it's love. Driving six hours, drunk, in the middle of the night, every night for weeks, just to peek in your mom's windows on the off chance that you might be staying there isn't sick and twisted, you broke their hearts. For no reason. Other than the fact that you are a slut, who was simply using them for (......?) (oddly enough, it never occurs to nice guys that you never did find a use for them).
Oh, and last but not least, although broken hearted nice guys may, unfortunatly, be easier to spot shortly after the breakup and before the restraining order, there is the one tell that they always have during the relationship:
BHNice: Gimme head
Girl: Nice come on. No. I need to be up in three hours to work.
BHNice: Why don't you love me anymore.
Girl: What? I'm trying to sleep here. You don't start work 'till two. You can sleep all day. I can't. I need to sleep.
BHNice: If you loved me, you'd give me head.
Girl: I have to open shop tomorow, I'm the only one on, and I'm working a split so I have to close at night too. Won't be off until 11. I Need Sleep.
BHNice: You don't love me. I don't know what's wrong with you.
('conversation' deteriorates into endless whining, possible snot encrusted crying, and girl finally leaves for work an hour early since its to late to sleep now any)
(repeat scenario as needed, preferably for a minimum of four nights a week)

Fuck, I hate nice guys.


Blogger Sara said...

In my experience they are all "nice guys". They are never wrong but the woman always is. They never did anything to fuck up the relationship, but the woman did. In my younger years I would fall into the trap of hating the nice guy's ex too until I became the nice guy's ex and I realized he was probably saying the same shit about me. Now I know that the more trash he talks about his ex, the more likely he's a freak. Of course the break up catches them off guard. They have been perfectly happy doing what they are doing and fullfilling their own needs (or manipulating her into fullfilling them for him) and being completely oblivious to her needs. And when she complains, she's being bitchy or selfish. And when she leaves, well you covered that. Fucking men. I have about had it with all of them.

7/21/2005 1:50 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Am I bitter? Hell Yes I'm fucking bitter.

7/21/2005 1:54 PM  
Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said...

I'd say you have a right to be bitter right now. When that happens, it's always a good idea to run with it, and be as bitter as you want to be. Then eventually, someone (who you have respect for and you know is right, ignore any others), will point out that you've used up all your bitter time, and life is good. When that happens, you'll probably have to consider quiting being bitter, but it will be because life is good, so it's a win-win situation. No more bitter, but good life.

7/21/2005 6:30 PM  
Blogger Brando said...

Hit the nail on the head pretty hard, but I'd also add that ownership of the broken heart needn't necessarily derive solely from the blindsiding of the boy.
Other than the psycho stalking - restraining order elements, I remember breaking up with my first serious lover and then falling into the pits of self-inflicted despair. "What if she's the one?" "What'd I do?" "She's seeing someone already?" Etc.
It was fucking lame, but terribly important. I don't think it's damaged me too much; in fact, it's been wholly helpful. I don't see any need to inflict distance, complacency, alcohol or drug abuse on the next one I'm with, nor any of the past few (save for maybe the drug abuse, but we're only human).
Anyways, point is: your daughter's the smartest girl in the world. Broken hearts rule because they open your chest like a textbook and, if you want to, you can learn a helluva lot about life and yourself.
But if you ain't willing to learn, however, then the BHNice Guys just need to grow the fuck up.

7/24/2005 12:37 PM  
Blogger Brando said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/24/2005 12:37 PM  
Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said...

Ah, but Brando, to be a BHnice guy means one has to be blindsided to get the broken heart. We've all been heart broken at one point, and we will all be broken hearted again. (For me, the last time was when The Kid initiated the Slaughter of The Fish). That's okay. But a large part of what defines a Nice Guy is the inability to see flaws in a relationship (see Sara's first comment, she explains it very well) and the inability to realize that some of those flaws may be, well, them.
Simply by asking the question, "What did I do?" you may be proving that there are guys out there who are not Nice Guys. There's hope for you yet!

7/24/2005 3:25 PM  

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