The Future Is*

Back when I was a drunken, irresponsible slut I always thought that if when I quit that shit it would be replaced with....something. I had this pretty little dream where by becoming a mother, I'd have to grow the fuck up. And in the process of growing up, I'd settle down, quit playing with men, go to school, learn something, and get a grown up job and have grown up relationships and maybe even learn to cook.

And I did it: I quit the drinking, and the fucking, and the irresponsibiliting. And what have I gained?

• 30 pounds
• $75,000 worth of debt
• A complete and total terror of any man I find myself attracted to
• 2 zits big enough to have feasted on the corpses of every single zit I ever accrued in my teenage years
• Bad study habits

I call not fair, dammit.

*End of title removed due to copyright violation