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Location: British Columbia, Canada

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Saturday, December 17, 2005

The Kid Drives Me Batty

What a beautiful day to spend sitting around the house while my daughter's on perpetual time out. Sunshiney, crisp, lovely.
Yup.
Fuck.

Okay:
What would Supernanny do?
Reduce length of time out.
Have talk with child.
Make sure child understands where things went wrong.
Uncancel Christmas (don't threaten what you won't deliver).
Set child back on cleanup task (enforce rules post-breakdown).

Alternately:
What would Artemis do?
Ditch child with closest sucker.
Run for the nearest pub.
Flirt with boys while secretly mocking them behind their backs.
Make said boys buy endless shots for all your new found best friends.
Ditch boys, go for walk.
Steal a stop sign, realize you have no use for stop sign, ditch stop sign.
Eat bacon double cheeseburgers, or smokies dosed in onions.
Run out of beer, realize clubs/pubs/bars and liquor stores are closed.
Pass out on couch.
Wake up, find child.

Choices, choices.....

8 Comments:

Blogger shadow of a doubt said...

What would Stephen Harper do?
She would be enrolled in a sport, so you could ditch her with the team to get rid of some of that energy, while you plot Canada's new homeland security policies. Booya'

12/17/2005 4:04 PM  
Blogger Maine said...

What is a smokie?

12/19/2005 7:14 AM  
Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said...

Shadow: Shit, how could I have forgotten Steve? Of course, Stevo wouldn't worry about what his kids are doing, as they'd be home being appropriately raised by the little house wife.
Maine: I know you have smokies, you have to. I just don't know what you call them. A smokie's a bigger, badder, better hotdog.
What the heck is another word for smokie? There is one. I know it.

12/19/2005 8:00 AM  
Blogger Maine said...

Oh... um... are they made of sausage? Or is it still hot dog?

We've got bratwurst, but really, I think the rest are just called hot dogs.

I'm going to need to try this "smokie" thing. Can you bring me one?

12/19/2005 12:58 PM  
Blogger PornStar said...

smokies are best first thing after leaving the night club...get that alcohol absorbtion started :)

12/19/2005 11:34 PM  
Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said...

Maine: Bratworsty. Very bratworsty. But with a much better name. And yeah, I'll send one your way as soon as they extend the skytrain that far. Lemme see, last (current) stop is in Surrey, your in Virginia....could take a while. The smokie could be stale by then.

Porny: I have spent hours on end searching out the elusive smell of the smokies after bar hours.

12/20/2005 8:59 AM  
Blogger PornStar said...

The smokie guy is always at Stadium station. I always want one...ohhh he will be there tonight...there's a game ha ha.

12/21/2005 8:18 AM  
Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said...

Stadium, hey? No wonder I can never find him. That's miles away from where ever I end up.

12/21/2005 10:34 AM  

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