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Location: British Columbia, Canada

Yeah. I got nothin.

Sunday, June 18, 2006


That's some shit from the seventies, isn't it?

No, that's where a couple of guys feel like they can follow me home and threaten me, simply because they know that deep down, it's kinda close to being okay, just as long as you don't say that out loud.

But you were mean to him.

You don't see it? You honestly don't see it, do you? That boy drove along side me. Hell, to look like he wasn't pulling that shit, he then sped up to circle the block, then DROVE ALONG SIDE ME AGAIN. And repeat.

Let's put this in context of a trial. I'll be the judge.

Well, okay...Since you're the only public voice I have, I guess I don't have a choice, now do I?

We'll be editing your reply. But next: Were you flirting while at the bar?


No seriously, you're a young woman, single, 88.4% straight, yet you're telling me you weren't flirting?

No. I was hanging out with my girlfriends. The closest I came to flirting was telling one of the bartenders that I'm not into straight guys....Wait. What the fuck does it matter if I was flirting or not?

Well, don't you think you might have brought this on yourself?

What? Pardon? Are you serious?

You met him prior, didn't you?

Yeah, he made some asshole comment, and I ignored him. So what?

But what did you do to deserve the comment. You were dancing, weren't you? And to Shakira, if I'm not mistaken.

Well, yeah. I was wearing an ankle length skirt, and an anklet, and an Egyptian necklace. Kinda gotta dance to Shakira, given the circumstances.

So maybe you led him on, given the dress. The song said, "My hips don't lie," so don't you think that maybe he misread your hips?

What of it? Did he misread me flipping him the bird as he sped off, the first time, after I told him to fuck off, repeatedly, since he was cruising along side me, alone, at night? And after I'd called him an idgit, prior to his retreaving his car just so he could tail me with less effort? How was that leading him on? And how would that matter, anyway?

Well, I'm just sayin': You're cute. You've got real big tits. Maybe it's just not your place to be galavanting around in bars, and clubs, and pubs, and restaurants, and parks, and school, and on the streets, and all that shit. It's just too tempting.

Tempting?!? Fuck that, no one sober wants a peice of me. It's not my fault if he was too drunk to realize that. I'm bitchy. I'm scared of commitment. I get knock-kneed and tongue-tied around people I'm honestly attracted to, and that makes me a shitty conversationalist. Plus, I've got really scrawny chicken legs. That's not tempting. That's his insanity.

Well, obviously you fooled him. Maybe you should dampen it down a bit, ya think?

No! I only danced with the girls! I didn't even talk to the guys that are friends with the group. The only time I had any contact with men was when I was going too or from the dance floor, and they tapped my shoulder, and you know what? I kept walking, and pretended I didn't notice them! I didn't flirt, with anyone, at all!

But you earlier admitted to flirtatiously mocking the bartender for being straight, did you not?

No! That's not what I said! Well, it is, sort of, but....Wait: What does this have to do with anything?

I'm just setting up the hypothesis that maybe, you were being a flirt. And that may have caused the alleged stalker to reason that you would be attracted to him, too. And therefore his following you home was a completely reasonable response, given your demeanor.

(Turns to face the camera): And as this shows, ladies, you'd be better off not to cause such contraversies. Don't mock men by entering bars or pubs, and be certain not to wear a skirt which exposes your ankles to them. Although I'm sure you're too naive to realize the response that a well turned ankle (especially when combined with Shakira), will elicit, trust me when I say: You don't want to find out.

Stay home. You're safer there. And better safe then sorry.


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7/28/2006 9:23 PM  

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