On Psychotic Midget Stalkers

Remind me not to give out my phone number to psychotic midget stalkers. I thought he was gone, hell, like a month ago. But no, know my phone is ringing, and gone to voice mail, and ringing again, and oh yeah, he calls back a third time, and now that's four.....What the fuck is wrong with you, buddy?
Advice: if a girl doesn't return your phone calls for a month, there's a pretty good reason for it. Maybe it's the fact that you think you're from the Irish republic and served in the British army, as a paratrooper, when a little research show's you're actually an American, and served in the fucking cadets as a teenager. Holy shit, delusions of grandeur, anyone?
Advice: if a girl goes out for lunch with you, just for shits and giggles, then insists that she pay for her own lunch, just so you don't get any ideas about her 'owing you', then ditches you for the waitress, you've got problems. Give up.
Advice: if, on leaving, said girl insists you don't call, then doesn't call you, that's a problem. Give up. Don't call back. Then call back the next day. Then call back the next day. Just give up.
Advice: seriously, give up, a month ago. Maybe over a month ago.
Advice: if the only reason said girl was talking to you in the first place was because the theme of the night was incredibly short guys, and you, amusingly, fit into that category, that's not an auspicious start to a relationship. (Seriously, by short, we're not talking 5'7" here, these guys barely came up to my chin. No lie.)
Advice: if the only reason said girl went out for lunch with you was cause she was bored, and always up for anything that'll make for a good retelling at the coffee shop (Kelly has a keenly honed sense of the absurd), don't even go there.
Advice: if you didn't even score out of the deal, cut your losses, then run. Especially if said girl has let you know that any intentions you have of scoring are severely egotistical delusions on your part.
Advice: Fuck off.

And now the cell phone is going off....and it only rings ten times....

Now my daughter's freaking out cause the phone's ringing, answer it, dammit! The phone is ringing! The phone is ringing!
Nothing like trying to explain the concept of screening calls to a pre-schooler.