Things To Do Today

• Get emergency loan from school, cause I'm out of beer and cigarettes (yeah, my school's cool and understanding like that)...done
• Look for shoes for wedding. Wear sandals. Get rained on. Find no shoes. Get coffee...done
• Reclaim, feed, water, clean, and bed child....done
• Watch Raging Bull for the umpteenth time...done
• Call Erica...done
• Get drunk, sing random shit, and chain smoke while on phone with Erica...done
• Listen to Erica mumble incoherently about online quizzes while getting drunk and wasting phone batteries...done
• Sympathize with Erica's occational coherent yelps about a tragic lack of beer chez Erica...done
• Get off phone, finish that final lap away from the last vestiges of sobriety...done
• Get laid.....
• Get laid....
• Get laid....

Okay, gimme a hand here people. Or a penis, whichever is more convenient.

Why am I never horny as a dog in heat while at, say, the Roxy, surrounded by dozens of pygmies which are all overwhelmed by my beauty, or half exposed breasts, whatever. Oh where are the pygmies now? Hell, I'd take a non-pygmy right now, I'm not picky, and I may even consider someone who enough self-respect stay the fuck out of the Roxy.

But seriously, I don't think it's too much to ask that, should I feel horny, I should get laid. Now. Well. And good.

Oh, the humanity. What has become of us?