Oh Beautiful Day
Flipped thru most recently updated blogs! Gotta luv whats out there! Peeps write like this! Interspaced with meaningful stuff like 'Be bold for Jesus!' Cause Jesus loves him some exclamation marks! And that's some bold assed shit, being willing to end every fucking sentence with an exclamations mark! Come to think of it, pretty sure Jesus dreamed of the day that twenty-odd year old exclamation mark addicts would 'Be bold' for him by painting their toenails with bubble gum pink polish, despite the fact that we all know bubble gum is so last season, and dusty rose is the pink du jour!
Ain't it stunning how much I despise you, simply from reading one little post?
Anyway, back to reality, sort of. Today was great. Hung over, shoe shopping for the wedding, somehow ended up with a somewhat stanky hamburger in my purse for the majority of the shopping expedition, which always puts me in an odd state of mind. Well, not 'always', per say, I'd just like to think that that'd be the norm, should I ever again happen to wander the halls of Metrotown with a cheeseburger slowly oozing it's way, drip by drip, out of the confines of my purse, and down my leg.
So the lack of reality led to me wandering out of my usual shoe buying confines (black, brown, or beige, anyone? and heels are a no go all around), and into the land of the Pink Snake Skin Pump
With The Four Inch Heel. Always shop for shoes hung over. With a burger in your pocket. Cause if you can't laugh giddily at your feet, what can you laugh at? That's right, baby. See me teeter, see me totter, but my feet look hot while doing it.
Later, got spray painted on my balcony, then got my leg humped by a very loving poodle in the elevator, then M. came by to burn the cd's for the wedding tomorrow. Hit the balcony for a smoke, and was witness to the most beautiful thing I've seen in some time. Cuddle in close kids, cause this is truly a wonderful story...
A t-bird parked in the street below. Right in front of the strip club which I'm proud to call my neighbour. This car, this car knew love. This car knew the intimate details of every paycheck it's owner received. Cause each and every one of those paychecks went to more chrome, more shine, oh yeah, that car was the most well loved peice of eighties tack you have ever seen.
As we're smoking, M. points out that the owner of the car has materialized from the bowels of the aptly name Mugs & Jugs. He's got him a lady. And what a lady she is. Heck, he picked her to match the car. She had booty, sealed into a miniscule pair of pink terrycloth shorts, and an itty bitty little tank top, straining in the effort of retaining those breasts. These garments would have been severely revealing, had they been three sizes larger. Since they weren't, well, what's three times more revealing than severely revealing? You tell me. Oh, and the shoes. Oh yeah, those puppies lit up when she walked. Just like the ones my four year old daughter always wants me to get for her.
So buddy figures that he'll hand over the keys, let his new found love give the old t-bird a whirl. M. and I watch expectantly...
Me: Watch her jam it into reverse and smash into that truck.
.....
Oh yes. You guessed it. M. did not have the time to respond before.....yeah. It was beautiful. Truly, a magic moment. Maybe it would've been more funny if she'd rammed that truck harder, but I don't think so. Less damage the way it happened, but more time for M. and I to enjoy the oh no, you can't be serious...she's still fucking reversing...all my dreams are coming true...she's really gonna....
Yup. Honestly, it was too funny to laugh. All I could do was bend double and wheeze like a chain smoker who'd just run a marathon.
I love my view.
Ain't it stunning how much I despise you, simply from reading one little post?
Anyway, back to reality, sort of. Today was great. Hung over, shoe shopping for the wedding, somehow ended up with a somewhat stanky hamburger in my purse for the majority of the shopping expedition, which always puts me in an odd state of mind. Well, not 'always', per say, I'd just like to think that that'd be the norm, should I ever again happen to wander the halls of Metrotown with a cheeseburger slowly oozing it's way, drip by drip, out of the confines of my purse, and down my leg.
So the lack of reality led to me wandering out of my usual shoe buying confines (black, brown, or beige, anyone? and heels are a no go all around), and into the land of the Pink Snake Skin Pump
With The Four Inch Heel. Always shop for shoes hung over. With a burger in your pocket. Cause if you can't laugh giddily at your feet, what can you laugh at? That's right, baby. See me teeter, see me totter, but my feet look hot while doing it.
Later, got spray painted on my balcony, then got my leg humped by a very loving poodle in the elevator, then M. came by to burn the cd's for the wedding tomorrow. Hit the balcony for a smoke, and was witness to the most beautiful thing I've seen in some time. Cuddle in close kids, cause this is truly a wonderful story...
A t-bird parked in the street below. Right in front of the strip club which I'm proud to call my neighbour. This car, this car knew love. This car knew the intimate details of every paycheck it's owner received. Cause each and every one of those paychecks went to more chrome, more shine, oh yeah, that car was the most well loved peice of eighties tack you have ever seen.
As we're smoking, M. points out that the owner of the car has materialized from the bowels of the aptly name Mugs & Jugs. He's got him a lady. And what a lady she is. Heck, he picked her to match the car. She had booty, sealed into a miniscule pair of pink terrycloth shorts, and an itty bitty little tank top, straining in the effort of retaining those breasts. These garments would have been severely revealing, had they been three sizes larger. Since they weren't, well, what's three times more revealing than severely revealing? You tell me. Oh, and the shoes. Oh yeah, those puppies lit up when she walked. Just like the ones my four year old daughter always wants me to get for her.
So buddy figures that he'll hand over the keys, let his new found love give the old t-bird a whirl. M. and I watch expectantly...
Me: Watch her jam it into reverse and smash into that truck.
.....
Oh yes. You guessed it. M. did not have the time to respond before.....yeah. It was beautiful. Truly, a magic moment. Maybe it would've been more funny if she'd rammed that truck harder, but I don't think so. Less damage the way it happened, but more time for M. and I to enjoy the oh no, you can't be serious...she's still fucking reversing...all my dreams are coming true...she's really gonna....
Yup. Honestly, it was too funny to laugh. All I could do was bend double and wheeze like a chain smoker who'd just run a marathon.
I love my view.
posted by Impulsivecompulsive | 11:20 PM
4 Comments:
Don't forget how they use all caps LIKE THIS to make good and goddamn well clear the message of Jesus is understood. Apparantly good grammar and punctuation is useless when you have a CAPS LOCK key.
Reversing...
I need to get a regular babysitter and visit your patio more often. I do miss it so...
neznrd
neznrd. That's a good one. Creative Alibi started a game of making acronyms out of the letters, but that one doesn't need an acronym...it speaks for itself.
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