Life
Player 1: It's your roll
Player 2: Five. Shit.
Player 1: You landed on single mother. Go back to the begining. Tough luck, that.
Player 2: Yeah. Alright, your go.
Player 1: Nice! Got a raise.
Player 2: Nice luck, but hey, I'm still a contender. Better be watching your back, it's my roll.
(Rolls a four.)
Player 2: So I'm on....
Player 1: No you don't. You're a single mother with student loans. You don't get to move.
Player 2: What? So what, I'm just supposed to sit here?
Player 1: That's how the games played, dude. Learn the rules.
Player 2: Well, shit. For how many turns?
Player 1: The rest of the game.
Player 2: Fuck this, I'm gonna go watch t.v.
Player 1: No way, man. You gotta play 'till the end.
Player 2: But I'm not allowed to move. How long I gotta do this for?
Player 1: Well, you're a smoker, but you are planning on quitting in September. You don't eat too well, but not as bad as the average American, anyway. You get you're daily dose of moderate exercise walking every day, and given that you're never going to be able to afford a car, you'll probably maintain that daily exercise.
I'd say you've got fourty to fifty years to go.
Player 2: You want me to sit here and roll these fucking dice for fourty to fifty years, and not move one space?
Player 1: Might just be thirty five, if you're lucky.
Player 2: Fuck that, Supernatural is on. I'm watching t.v.
Player 1: I told you already, that's not how the game is played. Besides, Supernatural sucks.
Player 2: That guy with the lip is freakishly cute. I don't give a damn how good the show is. I don't like this game anymore.
Player 1: Sorry, you don't have a choice in the matter. Sit down, quit you're fucking whining, and roll the goddamn dice so I can take my turn.
Player 2: I gotta play the game this way?
So what can I do, then?
Player 1: Buy groceries. Barely. Not on the months when you have to get new contacts or glasses, buy school clothes for The Kid, go to the dentist, or anything else like that. But on the other months, you should be able to afford enough groceries.
Player 2: I hate this game.
Player 1: I hate your bitching. I'm not playing with you anymore.
Fuck this, I'm gonna go watch Supernatural.
I'll come back and see how you're doing in a year or two.
Player 2: Couldn't you at least tape it for me?
Player 1: Nobody owns VCR's anymore, dipshit. Burn yourself a DVD in a couple of decades.
Player 2: Fine. Bring me a coffee when you come back.
Player 1: Sure thing. But don't complain if it's cold.
Player 2: Five. Shit.
Player 1: You landed on single mother. Go back to the begining. Tough luck, that.
Player 2: Yeah. Alright, your go.
Player 1: Nice! Got a raise.
Player 2: Nice luck, but hey, I'm still a contender. Better be watching your back, it's my roll.
(Rolls a four.)
Player 2: So I'm on....
Player 1: No you don't. You're a single mother with student loans. You don't get to move.
Player 2: What? So what, I'm just supposed to sit here?
Player 1: That's how the games played, dude. Learn the rules.
Player 2: Well, shit. For how many turns?
Player 1: The rest of the game.
Player 2: Fuck this, I'm gonna go watch t.v.
Player 1: No way, man. You gotta play 'till the end.
Player 2: But I'm not allowed to move. How long I gotta do this for?
Player 1: Well, you're a smoker, but you are planning on quitting in September. You don't eat too well, but not as bad as the average American, anyway. You get you're daily dose of moderate exercise walking every day, and given that you're never going to be able to afford a car, you'll probably maintain that daily exercise.
I'd say you've got fourty to fifty years to go.
Player 2: You want me to sit here and roll these fucking dice for fourty to fifty years, and not move one space?
Player 1: Might just be thirty five, if you're lucky.
Player 2: Fuck that, Supernatural is on. I'm watching t.v.
Player 1: I told you already, that's not how the game is played. Besides, Supernatural sucks.
Player 2: That guy with the lip is freakishly cute. I don't give a damn how good the show is. I don't like this game anymore.
Player 1: Sorry, you don't have a choice in the matter. Sit down, quit you're fucking whining, and roll the goddamn dice so I can take my turn.
Player 2: I gotta play the game this way?
So what can I do, then?
Player 1: Buy groceries. Barely. Not on the months when you have to get new contacts or glasses, buy school clothes for The Kid, go to the dentist, or anything else like that. But on the other months, you should be able to afford enough groceries.
Player 2: I hate this game.
Player 1: I hate your bitching. I'm not playing with you anymore.
Fuck this, I'm gonna go watch Supernatural.
I'll come back and see how you're doing in a year or two.
Player 2: Couldn't you at least tape it for me?
Player 1: Nobody owns VCR's anymore, dipshit. Burn yourself a DVD in a couple of decades.
Player 2: Fine. Bring me a coffee when you come back.
Player 1: Sure thing. But don't complain if it's cold.
posted by Impulsivecompulsive | 1:16 PM
2 Comments:
Just wait. Player 1 will get a nice little STD, give it to his/her spouse, and get taken to the cleaners during the divorce. You'll see.
Teehee.
Actually, I figured Player 2, shortly after I wrote this post refused to play the game that way and burned up the board.
Then she watched Supernatural.
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