Crawling Out Of The Corner

1) The parents are visiting. You can find me in the corner behind the palm tree, curled up in the fetal position. I probably should've watered the palm at some point in the last year, it's not making for a good hidey hole these days.

2) Why is it that only men are allowed to say "shit, shower and shave"? Not lady-like enough for us? But even if you take out the "shit" part, it still doesn't fly. Why not? What the hell do you think we're doing in the shower for that long? The whole washing thing is pretty mundane, but shaving without inflicting mass injuries, that takes time and tactics.

3) Speaking of, why do men's faces never look like badly plucked and mutilated chickens after they're done shaving? Cause my legs do. Maybe that's just me.

4) Would it be wrong for me to get plastered before the parents get back this afternoon? Because that would make things go a lot smoother. Maybe. On the other hand, The Mother is in a mood, and she may not be keen on my winning drunken argument of, "No, fuck You!" That one kills them every time. Yeah, that's how you win, that is. Except possibly not on The Mother.

5) No, these are not the parents that have my blog page address. Just in case you were worried about my standing on the will.

6) Not that it matters, I'm pretty sure I've already been removed from all wills involved anyway. Haha! I can say what ever the fuck I want!

7) No, wait. No I can't. I'm crawling back into the corner now.