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Location: British Columbia, Canada

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Runs With Scissors

But Follows Orders Well
So it's time for another post. And what do I have to post about? Nothing! Don't blame me, I'm busy. Blame them. To your right. No, your other right.
So for your viewing pleasure, I have one days worth of crap. Enjoy.

Hates Your Dog
You, with the walking mop. Yeah, you know who you are. I realize your dog pees on trees, and I'm okay with that. Not my cup of tea, personally, I stick with toilets. Of course, I also have a brain bigger than an orange, so I'm more easily trained. Still, I'm a reasonable girl, and can be accepting at times.
But that tree over there? The one cemented into the sidewalk? That's just not okay. I'm just not that big on jumping over the river of urine running down the street, thanks anyway. And seriously, a dog that size should not have a bladder that big. Get that shit checked out, will ya? That's plain wrong.

Slow Learner
The homeless population in my area was pretty stable. There was Guy With The Cane Who Smokes In The Lobby, Overly Apologetic Schizophrenic Santa, Single Dreadlock Guy, Seriously Happy Bottle Guy- with or without girlfriend- Who Runs a Tight Schedule, and Randomly Rotating Junkies at Skytrain.
But for the past couple of weeks, continuous perplexity:
While anywhere in the neighbourhood: why so many homeless these days?
While skirting police barrier set up directly between home and daycare: gotta remember alternate route when court's about to start.
While around neighbourhood: shit, it's starting to look like East Hastings around here.
While skirting police barrier on the way home from daycare: next time, cut through the college, not the police barrier.
And through it all, perplexed and confused.
Yeah, twice a day, every day, around the barrier set up while they ship the man charged with the murders of numerous women from East Hastings, and it takes me two weeks for the lightbulb.

Indifferent To Your Dog
Yes, still with the dogs. Don't get me wrong, I do like dogs. And police dogs are just dandy and all. Well trained, save lives, all that jazz. But come on, no dog gets a funeral that big. It's a fucking dog, people.
Callous and indifferent, you say? We like our animals, and we like saving lives. Combine the two, and that's worthy of a massive funeral, and sure, throw in a month's bereavement leave.
Fuck that.
You like animals, don't force entire species to extinction. You like saving lives, don't vote for which ever shithead offers you a savings of ten bucks a month in tax breaks, at the expense of our health care, social institutions, and foreign aid.
Until then, your big old doggy wake is a bunch of hypocritical bullshit.

Maintains Perplexity
That other campus? It's small, and as it should be. It's in the middle of butt fuck nowhere, and no one wants to go there. Less people means less space needs. Okay, so rooms are smaller. The cafeteria's smaller. The population is smaller. No problem; it's all relative after all.
But why the fuck are the washroom stalls smaller? Less people should mean less washrooms with less stalls. It shouldn't mean I have to stand in the damn toilet just to shut the door. What, you think the people are smaller or something?
Oh yeah, that's it: why the fuck are the people smaller? Little people everywhere. They're short. They're clean. And they smell like baby powder and fruityness.
Did I miss the cardboard clown with "You must be under this height" scrawled across it's chest? Am I actually going to school in a McDonald's ball room?

Refuses To Edit
House is on. Deal.

6 Comments:

Blogger PornStar said...

I am small and i have stand in the toilet to close the door. The downtown library is like that too...only one that's not is the mini wheelchair washroom. Better hope your wheelchair isn't bigger than the size of me and my backpack or you are screwed. It's just an observation I have made in my new relationship with the desk at the library ha ha.

2/14/2006 10:36 PM  
Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said...

If you're gonna make a stall the size of a stamp, you should at least have it hinged so it opens outwards. Just a thought.
Don't they measure this shit before they put it together?

2/14/2006 10:49 PM  
Blogger Maine said...

This was one day's worth? Damn.

2/15/2006 6:01 AM  
Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said...

Too much? Too little? Help me out here, I need direction, dammit!

2/15/2006 7:58 AM  
Blogger Maine said...

Not too much considering it was a long time coming. Besides, I'd be the last guy to challenge anyone to a brevity contest. However, since you thrive on instructions...

1.) Utilize that camera. I'm gonna need to see some of these barriers and stuff. Make this neighborhood exist in my mind. Pictures are always good.

2.) More about House. Come on... the guy woke up a burn victim to get him to admit peeing on himself. That kind of thing needs to be talked about.

3.) Harper needs to be bashed more. You're at your best when you're passionate.

4.) And, what the hell.... longer. Why not? I've got nothing to do but read this stuff.

2/15/2006 8:18 AM  
Blogger Impulsivecompulsive said...

Noted. Although the camera hasn't quite been bought yet...getting on that. And I missed the best parts of House due to the guy with the semi-automatic across the street (ya'll say wtf?!?).

Harper bashing will resume in good time. And next post will be of good length.
Well, not the one up there, but whatever comes after that. Then I'll be on it.

2/15/2006 9:28 PM  

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